Welcome to my world
There was time when I knew... when I knew what we were. But it's gone. It's all gone now.
It feels like it's been so long since I've felt what life feels like. This city, this land, it's not the same. I still have dreams of the Before days. My friends say that I need to get out a little, but ever since they started calling it the "Age of Freedom", I stopped listening. They say I'm too melodramatic, that I should take advantage of our new sweet release.
"Go the Exchange and find something you like!" they say.
But I've already been there twice, and I've had enough. The first time I went, I wanted to live forever. I refused to grow old. I thought it was gross.
A thousand years later and I would give anything to breathe my last breath. But unfortunately, that's not how the Exchange works. All exchanges are final. That sign, hanging ageless, is plastered over every service window. I often wonder if anyone stops to read it at all.
My second visit relates to why this all seems so erratic. These are my thoughts. Well, my recorded thoughts. This reality, for you and me, is relatively recent. I didn't always feel the need share my thoughts. Most of the time, I never thought my thoughts were worth sharing. But after being miserable in this hell, I began to wonder. What if I can change all of this?
I told you I live in a world without truth. When I say there is no truth, I mean that in the broadest, most general sense possible. Literally nothing under the sun in this city can be taken as true. Not the grass on the ground or buildings towering over me. At the end of the day, everything I experience here is ephemeral, like it has somewhere better to be the moment it arrives. I can imagine that's difficult to grasp.
Allow me to illustrate.
My home sits on hill all by its lonesome. I built it myself. You'd be surprised how much you can do an infinite amount time. I have neighbors too. Sometimes. Depending on the day, houses come and go. For a fews years, my rural life was considered "all the rage." People came in droves to see what this kind of secluded life was like. To say houses sprung up would be an eerily accurate statement. One morning I was all by myself, the next, a house appeared—out of thin air. Then another. Then five more. The contagion of lazy house building was incredible. To be honest, the Exchange is a lazy being all on its own. It doesn't care what truths you want to exchange, all it cares that it gets to keep whatever truth you exchange.
It feels like there's so much I have to explain. I'll get there eventually, I guess. From my perspective, I have an eternity to do so.
Anyway, after that "boom" and the area couldn't really be considered "rural" anymore, people disappeared again.
Oh look, a new house.
It's quite extravagant for what normally appears in this area. Most people who come and go usually opted for a more "rustic" lifestyle.
At the top of the hill dierectly across my home, a massive castle floats high off the ground, as if it's to dignified to touch such common ground. It's crystalize stone reflects the rays of the sun, giving the appearance of spires of gold endlessly shooting out from the walls and spires of the mansion. A single window at the top of the highest tower overlooks my home. It's shaped like a star. There are no doors and the tops of the other three spires are adorned with deep red flags that appeared to be materialized with blood itself.
Whoever lives in that "house" has an interesting sense of a comfortable lifestyle.
I wonder if they'll choose to notice me.
Often times in this place, if people don't like you, they'll either try to kill you or just act as if you aren't there. Literally. Some people, for no reason, chose to simply live as if I didn't exist. It's weird not being real for someone else. They walk right through me as I was a ghost. My voice would be but a gust of wind. Those people aren't much fun to be around anymore.
When you live in a world where everyone can be a superhuman, no one really is. If there's one thing I miss, (trust me, there are many) it's being amazed by something. Life can be wonderful, beautiful and captivating. But everyone is too busy being amazed by themselves to care about things like "life".